Empathy and Understanding

How to Build Deeper Connections That Last

Some people just get us. They listen without interrupting. They respond without rushing to fix. They make us feel like we’re enough, exactly as we are.

But it’s not magic. It’s empathy.

Empathy is the ability to step into someone else’s world—not to judge or fix, but to truly understand. It’s about feeling with someone, not for them. And it’s at the heart of every lasting connection.

Why empathy creates closeness

Empathy isn’t just a “nice-to-have” trait. It’s what makes us feel emotionally safe. It’s the thing that allows relationships—romantic, platonic, or professional—to deepen and thrive.

Imagine a conversation where you feel truly seen. You don’t have to explain yourself over and over. You don’t feel judged. Instead, someone listens and responds in a way that shows they understand—not just your words, but the emotions behind them.

That’s the power of empathy. When we’re met with empathy, we feel validated. We feel heard. We feel safe.

But when empathy is absent, it’s the opposite. Misunderstandings pile up. We feel disconnected. Our needs go unmet.

Empathy is what builds trust. It’s what keeps us soft in a world that can feel hard.

What gets in the way

Even with the best intentions, empathy can sometimes feel out of reach. Here are a few common obstacles:

• Defensiveness: When we feel criticised or misunderstood, it’s hard to stay open. Our natural response is to defend ourselves, not listen. Pause and reflect: “What’s causing me to feel defensive right now? Is this my stuff, or are they struggling with something deeper?”
• Emotional overload: Sometimes, other people’s emotions can feel overwhelming. If we’re already feeling stressed, anxious, or burnt out, it can be hard to hold space for someone else’s pain.

Tip: Take a deep breath. Remember, you don’t have to fix everything. Empathy is just about being present, not solving problems.

• The urge to fix: We’re wired to want to make things better for others, but sometimes, they don’t need solutions—they just need someone to listen. Reflect on this: “Do they need advice, or do they just need to feel heard right now?”
• Judgement: We might judge others based on their actions or feelings—especially if it triggers something in us. But real empathy means accepting someone’s experience without rushing to label it.

Tip: Practice being curious instead of critical: “What’s going on for them? What’s the deeper story?”

Five ways to grow your empathy

Empathy is a skill—and like any skill, it gets stronger with practice. Here are five ways you can cultivate empathy in your day-to-day interactions.

1. Really listen

Pause here. How often do you truly listen, without thinking about what you’ll say next?

When someone is talking to you, focus fully on them. Put down your phone. Look them in the eye. Give them your full attention. No distractions. No interruptions.

Empathy begins with listening. And the more you listen, the more you understand. Sometimes, the most empathetic thing you can do is simply let someone feel heard.

***Example: ***

Your partner is telling you about a difficult day at work. Instead of jumping in with, “I know how you feel, I’ve been there,” try saying, “That sounds really tough. What was the hardest part of your day?”

By asking questions and staying present, you’re letting them know you care—and that you’re not just waiting for your turn to speak.

2. Pause before reacting

When someone shares something vulnerable or painful, it’s natural to want to fix it. But empathy doesn’t rush to solutions—it sits in the moment with someone.

Before reacting, take a pause.

Reflect: “How am I feeling right now? What’s my emotional state?” If you’re triggered, anxious, or overwhelmed, it’s okay to say, “Let me take a moment to process this.”

This pause allows you to respond from a place of calm, not reactivity. And it helps you stay connected to the other person’s experience without being clouded by your own emotions.

Example:

A friend opens up about a tough situation. Instead of jumping in with advice or a “fix-it” mindset, take a moment to reflect: “What’s the best way to show up for them right now?”

3. Reflect, don’t fix

It’s tempting to offer solutions—especially if we care about someone. But empathy doesn’t require fixing. It requires reflecting.

Sometimes, people just need someone to say, “That sounds really hard,” or “I can’t imagine how painful that must be.” Empathy is about acknowledging someone’s experience, not trying to change it.

Reflective phrases to try:

• “I hear you.”
• “That must be so frustrating.”
• “Thank you for sharing that with me.”
• “I can see how much this means to you.”

These simple words let the other person know you’re with them—without needing to take over their feelings.

4. Stay curious

Judging someone’s feelings or reactions is a sure way to shut down connection. Instead, try staying curious.

When someone’s behaviour doesn’t make sense to you, instead of getting frustrated, ask: “What might be going on for them beneath the surface?” “How are they experiencing this situation, and how can I understand that more fully?”

Empathy isn’t about agreeing—it’s about understanding. You don’t have to like everything about someone’s experience, but you can still see it.

Example:

If a colleague snaps at you, don’t immediately take it personally. Instead, ask yourself, “What’s going on for them right now? Maybe they’re dealing with something outside of work.”

By staying curious, you open the door to connection—even when things feel tense.

5. Know your limits

Empathy isn’t about being available all the time—it’s about showing up mindfully.

If you’re emotionally drained, it’s okay to set a boundary. You can still be empathetic while also taking care of yourself.

Tip: Try saying, “I’m here for you, but I need a moment to gather myself before we talk more.”

Setting boundaries allows you to be present when it matters, without sacrificing your own emotional well-being.

Empathy in action

Let’s put all of this together. Here’s what empathy might look like in a real-life moment:

• A friend calls to vent about their stressful week. Instead of saying, “It could be worse,” you listen without interruption and then say, “That sounds like a lot. How are you holding up through all of this?”
• Your partner seems distant and quiet. Instead of assuming something is wrong with you, you say, “I’ve noticed you’ve been a little quiet. Is everything okay?”
• A colleague shares their frustration about a project. Rather than offering solutions right away, you say, “I hear you. That sounds frustrating. What do you need right now?”

Empathy isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about the small, everyday moments where you choose connection over distance.

Final thought

Empathy doesn’t come naturally to everyone, and that’s okay. It’s a skill—and like any skill, it takes time to develop. The good news? Every interaction is an opportunity to practice.

The more you show up with empathy—in your relationships, your work, and with yourself—the more connection you’ll build. And in a world where so many of us feel disconnected, your empathy could be the bridge that transforms everything.

Finding it hard to stay present when things feel heavy? Ava’s here for you — a gentle, judgement-free space to talk, reflect, and get the support you need. And with even more features coming soon, we’re growing with you, every step of the way.